If you are a father or still have a father or had a father and read this book or watch this movie and it does not touch your heart in some way, you need to check to make sure you still have a heartbeat. I challenge you to read The Father Effect or watch the movie by the same name. If you do so and are not affected, please let me know.
I have been a father over 30 years. Our youngest graduates from college next year. Although my child rearing responsibilities are done I will always be a father and can always try to improve in that role. What I expected from the book was to learn some things I had done well, some not so well, what I had done right and what I had done wrong and what I can do going forward to be the best father I can be. The Father Effect exceeded my expectations. As I mentioned in my last post we all want to know we have lived a good life. If you are a father you want to know you have been a good father.
I “met” John Finch online some time back, not sure exactly when. He had shared part of his compelling story about how his dad had committed suicide and how that had affected him. Since that time, he has written a book and now produced a movie called “The Father Effect” describing his story and journey. He asked me to be part of his launch team and that is why you are reading this post. The Father Effect is available wherever books are sold now and debuted as the #1 New Release for Christian Men’s Issues when it was released.
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My thinking was that if one person sees this movie or reads this book and it changes their life it will have been worth the effort. Maybe that one person is you.
The Father Effect
Far too many have grown up without a father present in their lives or present physically but not emotionally involved. Regardless of what you might read or hear in today’s feminized masculinity society, which often tells us a father is not needed, it does have an effect. John has termed this “The Father Effect” and explains exactly what that means to him and what he has learned from his experience dealing with the father effect in his life. During his journey and sharing his story he has learned he was not alone. Many others have similar stories. Isn’t it amazing how often peoples’ stories turn out that way. Once you find out you are not the only one and how others have dealt with the issue, whatever that is, you are often better able to deal with your own issues.
John’s father committed suicide when he was only 11 years old so in his case his father was not physically present for him. My experience was much different. My dad was present and involved in my life and I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him. However, I find in most books I read there is always something I can learn. Whatever your experience as a father or with your own father please keep reading as I share a few quotes and highlights from The Father Effect by John Finch. It may be life changing for you or someone you know but the only way you will know is if you get yourself a copy and read it. I highly recommend you do just that.
On to the highlights
Here are some statistics from the book.
“According to the National Commission on Children, children of absent fathers are:
- five times more likely to commit suicide,
- six times more likely to be in a state-operated institution,
- seven times more likely to become a teenage mother,
- seven times more likely to drop out of school,
- eleven times more likely to commit rape,
- fifteen times more likely to have behavioral disorders,
- fifteen times more likely to end up in prison while a teenager,
- and twenty-four times more likely to run away.”
Often this is a cycle that is repeated for many generations as John found out when he learned more about his father’s childhood. That leads to the question.
“How can a man understand what’s required of a father and husband when he doesn’t have anyone to show him or tell him how to be a provider?”
Why do we expect a husband and father to know what to do in order to fill those roles when they have never had a father or father figure to model those roles and show them what to do? When most of the father figures shown on TV sitcoms and in movies demean, shame and feminize fathers? How can this cycle be broken?
John Finch deals with these questions and how they played out in his life as he shares his struggle to deal with his father wound. What he learned in his journey is that he is not alone and that many others have father wounds but didn’t really understand what they were. In The Father Effect he tells his story to help others who are facing similar stories and show there is hope dealing with your own father wound.
What is a “father wound” you are probably asking? “Essentially, a father wound is something a father has said or done (or hasn’t said or done) that has left a lasting, negative effect on a child.”
“The father wound shows no bias to male or female, or to age, race, or religion. No matter who you are, what you do for a living, or how much money you make, if your father hurt you by effectively abandoning his duties as your dad, you’ve suffered a father wound.”
What if my father is no longer living?
So, you might be asking, my father is not part of my life or is no longer living so what can I do about my father wound. John struggled with this question for many years after his father committed suicide before he finally arrived at the answer for him. In The Father Effect he shares his journey with the hope it will help others understand and deal with their own father wound.
There is HOPE!
This book will give you hope and
I don’t want to go into that in detail her because John does that in the book. Hope is a powerful thing. Without it we feel stuck and think there is no way out. I hope you will get your copy of The Father Effect today. As you read about John’s experiences you will find your own hope and the steps you can follow to deal with your father wound.
If you want to see more about the book and the movie check out John’s website at https://www.johnfinch.me/. You can read the first chapter of the book here free too.
Whenever I read a book I hope it is interesting enough to keep me turning the pages and I can learn something from it. If it also touches my heart and gives me hope I can do or be better tomorrow that is always a plus. I checked off all of these characteristics while reading The Father Effect and I think you will too. Get your copy today!
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Until next time…
Originally published on Peculiar Perspective on 10/28/2017